Tag Archives: Dreaming

Diggers and dreamer (last part)

The land has given me a gift, being the guardian of the mystery lake proved to be the potion of life, although I did perform quite miserably as the guard whenever the locals came to fish or swim, I had issues with land ownership, or at least I believed I did.

In retrospect looking at the story itself I realised I have been extremely fortunate, not jut because having a lake of your own in Israel is unheard of, but because I was given a place to integrate altered states of awareness and abilities into my everyday, usually that type of “openness” is never allowed the room or the existence, I was also young enough to be able to make it the corner stone of my existence, but like I’m trying to convey, the quarry had a story of its own, the story of place mingled with the dreams of men, the sweat of the Israeli pioneers, the diesel fumes of the diggers, and the pure water, with me the dreamer in its midst.

I believe that the world adjust itself to itself and so it wove a web around me, I’m a simple man which is why it all happened just like that…… simply, it was always all there simple and direct and I guess that reflects me somehow, I was given a power spot at the age of 18, the people I grew up with were going to the army or already enlisted, I was exploring awareness itself, whilst they went to fight in Gaza, I was gazing at the hills, to quieten the “me” enough in order to meet the “it”.

The Juxtaposition of living a parallel reality in that quarry that was dug by the men of my family was high, it was more than that, I remember the quarry men coming one day just after I arrived and rigging explosives on the basalt cliffs, it wasn’t even the alabaster they were after, as a manly “dare” they came into the bus and asked me to press the button, I was against it but they prevailed.
A hail of rocks hit the metal roof after the explosion, I felt like they are blowing my dreams apart, but we dreamers always feel intruded upon whatever happens, and we go to no ends to mask it.

But still the fact the land was dug by my grandfather and father somehow created that lake inside me, one generation of pioneers followed by one generation of warriors, and here I was the third generation, I’ve tried to explain to my grandfather one day visiting the kibbutz, that my generation’s war has to happen inside, that the external enemy has been warded (it was a time of relative quiet in Israel, just after the peace agreement with Jordan).
I guess he didn’t really understand what I was on about, I tried to explain that having no pending enemy outside allows the warrior to turn inside and start battling the real force that deprives us of our power.

I’ve come to see that there is a meta story stalking the lines of each of our tales, and those are the beginning threads of mine, maybe I was always an odd bird, I left school at 13 and knew at 14 that there is no way in the world I would serve in the army (army service in Israel is compulsory). But the ease with which I was allowed to leave the Army was questionable, although the process seemed long. I first drew some elephants in the test papers instead of answering the question about them, having quit school at 13, I guess I did miss a few chapters of algebra, and in a way it was hard to admit I actually didn’t know the elephantine answers, but I didn’t even try, maybe it was some kind of arrogance, as if I knew better because I couldn’t admit I didn’t know at all, we dreamers fight with ourselves inside constantly and so we never know.

Next I was interviewed (like everybody else) by a nice young soldier woman, she happened to know my older sister because of being in the same school year. She asked why I drew elephants instead of answering the questions, I said I didn’t want to serve, she asked me if I really was my sister’s brother (she wasn’t sure), and what I wanted to happen?….. And she said she will see what she could do.

The next person in line (the out-going line I mean) was a social worker, when asked if I ever thought about committing suicide I said “sure don’t we all?.”
I also said I’m kind of a loner (it was true in a sense because I kind of left my peers on the kibbutz when I started working instead of going to school), I just thought I’ll say whatever may help in getting me out of the army, but I was averse to lying.

I guess I triggered enough markers, so I was sent to the army’s psychologist next, who asked me if I’m a pacifist, I answered that before I venture to fix the world I feel I must fix myself. The answer must have impressed him enough to send me onward unto the last stage of the process.
I found myself in front of a committee of three, though only one spoke, I didn’t believe my shenanigans worked, so I expected them to tell me the infantry awaits me, instead I was asked if I’m ok with getting section .21 – the army code (or “profile” as it is called in Israel) for someone unfit for service due to health reasons, but that’s only because they don’t want to write, mental health reasons.

I agreed, than the weirdest thing happened, the spokesman of that committee told me that in case I change my mind (remember I’ve just been deemed mentally unstable) they would put me wherever I want in the army (something that doesn’t happen in the best of cases),
It was another point that seem to stand out in the narrative of the “Tale” as being adjusted by a greater force, I even thought that maybe the fact my father held a high position in the army had something to do with it, “protekzia” it was called in Hebrew, you can figure out alone what that meant, for a little moment I thought of asking to serve in the Air Force, as that was a childhood dream of mine, like I said we dreamers never know if we are coming or going.

It is always hard to see things from the inside, everybody has to be the lead character of their story, but looking at my own stories I have come to isolate moments that stand out as if they don’t belong or seem emphasized, moments when something seems to intervene and adjusts things for an ulterior, or rather, superior (if you are taken to believe in hierarchy) motive.

Thinking about it now, the same thing happened with high school, I was an A student, but upon hitting the social ground of high school, I found myself in with the gangs of lesser students, and instead of going into class ended up sitting on the lawns In front of the Sea of Galilee, but I wasn’t the only one, we all use to do it. Somehow out of 200 students in my age group, I was the only one to leave school.

Here too I found myself in a meeting, with woman In charge, the very same woman who told me there is no way they would allow me to join the “builders” – a group of specially hard learners (I mean students who found learning very hard) who spent 4 years learning how to build houses, there weren’t even arranged in age groups but got assembled from all the problematic students of four age “years”, or put simply all the students who were deemed unable to be taught.

At the time I said it is ok with me, it feels right I don’t join them, she said I’m too good a student, for the school management to pretend I belong there, but on that day of the meeting that ended with me leaving school (something which is illegal as going to school is compulsory) I was again told I could be put wherever I wanted to, even with the “builders”, but maybe that’s what they always tell me before they send me out.

I refused, I said all I seem to do, coming to school is sneak out to the supermarket across the road and stuff myself with pastries, and I’m afraid I’ll get fat, I might as well go to work on the kibbutz, so this was how I got expelled out of the school, or you could say I left,
I’m a dreamer and my eyes are set somewhere else, so it never mattered.

I have a very high sense of social right and wrong, and it always seemed strange I got a special treatment, at times even questionable.

But although this story seems to be about me, it isn’t really, it’s an attempt to meet the creator itself through the weaves of the story, the force that guides our fates, an attempt to illustrate that there is another line of thought, which isn’t ours, a line of thought we belong to instead of it belonging to us, the thoughts of the Spirit.

There is a group in the UK called diggers and dreamers, and some how to me that seemed a very good way to summarise this chapter,
I was brought up by diggers, my grandfather driving the bulldozer and my father being the manager of the quarry, him with a spell in the army armored divisions, which is a type of a bulldozer with canon.
And I was the dreamer in their midst, the mystery lake that have sprung from the rock, quarried out of the barren hills of the Jordan valley and of the tough Israeli pioneers and the Kibbutz society and its idealism.

For those that have swum that lake’s deep waters, this is an attempt to reveal the hidden relationship between place and being, the secret of power places or the power of story, I am that dreamer that was expelled, or you might say I chose to leave, I never knew a difference.

People that deal with power directly all have a special art, a way to perform their relation with the forces at large, mine is that I’m a
story teller, although I’m not really a writer.

My realm is the living story, and the medium that I use to perform my art is what we call the HTML, because it stands for the programming language itself.

Diggers and Dreamer (part 1)

Below is an excerpt from a book.

When I was 19 I had a profound experience that left me “psychically” open. I thought I was going crazy, it was either that or that I developed the ability to read other people’s thoughts. To make things worse, I became convinced also that I can control the weather to a degree. In Native American society a pipe carrier (peace pipe or medicine pipe) would have had rings on his medicine pipe to demonstrate that he can summon the winds or hold control over the weather, but in our society the notion of such abilities is an aberration – I have had the fortune to find people who have rings on their pipes, and this is the story of that beginning.

I had just returned to Israel after traveling over Southern Europe for almost a year.
Together with a friend exploring in the north of Israel, looking for a place to live away from society, I was really losing the plot, I could hear thoughts inside my own head. I guess the fact she was little unstable herself didn’t help. We roamed the hills and conjured magic, calling rain and sun and exploring communication abilities that meant either one of us could start a topic and the other would know what subject was meant without needing a point of reference, it went as far as having silent conversations, yes telepathy.
Being poor we also practiced the art of magical begging; how to get people to give you what you needed, and if you wonder, this type of sorcery only works for those in need, as otherwise something else takes over Maybe “need” is a sort of cleanser, but it sure is closer to the story line than “want”, even though it isn’t it either – the core we are after here is the calling of intent.

After a while we found an amazing spot in an old Syrian village (don’t get confused with the current Syrian crisis) in the Golan heights.
It was ideal: running streams and stone built houses, a whole village which had been abandoned. There were signs that someone had recently lived in one of the houses, and we later learned one of the kibbutz boys (I think maybe from Givo’ot Abashan) nearby had it with not having his own room and took to the hills, so we avoided that house, and chose a nice empty one, after all the village had quite a few to choose from.

Thompson gazelles where running free, and the local kibbutz had its cattle roaming in the hills nearby. It’s the part of Israel that feels like Europe (especially in winter) and being the old borderline with Syria on the slopes of the Golan, it also symbolizes a sense of being in between the attentions, and this is exactly where we wanted to be, (although at times I think we wanted to be across the border, at least attention- wise).

The Golan had always felt like a land of mystery to me, a place of strong rock and hills, wind swept at times, it was the land of giants called Bashan in ancient times, with stone mounds and circles, like Gilgal refa’im (meaning the wheel of ghosts or Ethers) in Arabic it is called Rujm il hiri, meaning the cat’s stone I think.
A massive stone complex bigger than Stonehenge, with an underground chamber; concentric rings of basalt stone, with a massive mound at its heart, and a secret chamber – I always thought those raised altars were the biblical Bamot, meaning stages literally.

The important thing is that I felt I have found the place I could integrate my current psychic situation as I was determined that only living away from others in a real isolated spot could sort me out.

We were both elated and hitchhiked to the nearby town of Rosh Pina to get some supplies, though just the basics, as we were going to live of the land as much as was possible – it being the rainy season, wild edibles were in abundance, mushrooms and mallow and even wild garlic grew on the slopes under the house. We made Bedouin bread in the coals and thought it was heaven, it was the ability to live without needing to be dependent on society, dreamers always have their oasis away from the world and this was ours, we found how to communicate without words. I could call the rain, we could get people to give things to us by a high form of positive begging, but more than it all we could live away from the choke of society and practice entering the other attention.

We treated ourselves to a coffee in one of the cafés in town and sitting down I got talking to a uniformed soldier who took some real interest in our story. I was a pacifist and had just managed to avoid the compulsory service, so the conversation was somewhat paradoxical, I was telling him how we are going to leave the world for a spell to live in the mountains, and the beauty of that spot….. Ho, on and on I went…
The guy listened and was real gentle with me, he seemed genuinely interested in our story.
Eventually he said – “I know the abandoned village of “Darbashya” well, but I have to tell you something…. I happen to be the local authority ranger for this area, and that Syrian village is a nature reserve that falls under my jurisdiction, I happen to be on my yearly army service (the men of Israel serve some time every year in the reserve army) for two weeks, but on Friday I’m back, so you have 5 days to enjoy yourselves but don’t let me find you squatting when I’m back”.

I was gutted, this proved not to just be some real hard luck, it was a confirmation that my worst fears are real, it indeed seemed hard to find an isolated spot in nature in Israel, but it was proving impossible to actually live in one.
I was lost, and I was losing my mind too and wasn’t sure I could cope with my new psychic abilities and I was afraid I would never resolve the craziness.

Maybe what scared me most is the idea that the only way is the mainstream way and I wasn’t ready to start considering things like paying rent and life insurance.

Salvation was to come from closer quarters than I expected and bring things into a deeper meaning. I told my father all my problems and he having just left the kibbutz himself, thought maybe I could live in the old quarry. He was the manager of the gypsum factory on the kibbutz only a short while before and good friends (actually business partners at the time) with the quarry’s manager. He said he will find out if they would let me live there, it was doubtful because I too left the kibbutz (actually expelled) a year before, but the quarry people were happy to help.

To be continued…

The White Stalking Horse

A little while ago we said we would look into the myth of the white horse and its manifestation in our group work, I guess it is one of our personal Myths.

As we tried to explain before here, there is a group formation model, that consists of a few men and women, a group that acts as one greater being. We call it the group body, or sometimes the group mind.

Our own story in relation to group work started in the summer of “96 in a festival that took place in the mountains of Portugal, meant to be a month long affair, but ended up lasting more than three months.

Not only did we meet group consciousness work, on that mountain range there lived a few herds of semi-wild horses; the gathering site itself had a herd of brown mares with one splendid white stallion.

The White horse

The White horse in the mountains of Portugal

I remember we used to have our morning service circle in the medicine area and the white stallion would come and stand a few metres away looking at us. I guess from the beginning, group work was imprinted with a pure white stallion (for us anyways), as you will see that white horse became a kind of story-teller of our  particular group blueprint.

7 years later, some of the people who met in those mountains in Portugal were now living in a meadow in the Pyrenees in France. The group was facing a new cycle, as a few months earlier we all went back to the same site in Portugal to recall what is was all about, to re-align our intent.

But in the end, of that re-alignment the group kind of collapsed. It became clear that group work needs a stronger basis and that it could not be family orientated, because of inherited flaws and inter-dependencies.

So here we were in France a few months later (some of the survivors). One morning I went to visit the Scholar, (one of the men). Whilst sitting in his van, speaking about one of the women (as men do), two horses wandered by; one was brown and had a bridle, the other white with brown patches seemed somewhat wild.

The Scholar said, “Let’s go and catch them and ride together”. I said, “There’s no way we will manage to catch up to these two”, so he opened his truck door, picked up a carrot from his food box, and off he goes by himself.  Twenty minutes later he comes back riding the brown (bridled) horse, with the white one walking alongside. I could not believe that he managed to get them, though he was one carrot short.

But when he came to where I was standing he did not stop. I walk on with him and the horses; the brown one ignores me but the white one comes straight at me and then it starts following me, instead of walking with the other horse.

The Scholar goes over to one of the girls, she steps out of her caravan (sounds gypsy?), he jumps off and she jumps on, she then asks me for a lead, rides the horse for a while, until the horse gets jumpy and rears; trying to kick the one that has been following me all along, the white one with the mad eyes.

Somehow we felt like there was more than just a usual interaction here, in retrospect it turned out to be a true hunch, it was a map.

Our story turned out to be played out by those horses, we called it the Horse Map, because it turned out to be a map of sorts for telling future events.

The Scholar found another path, one that he could harness (symbolised by the brown horse) and the woman too took that path for a while, then reared up (had a little drama) and became a Buddhist nun a path not so un-similar to his initial, so you could say the horses foretold that those two are going another way and that we are going another, symbolised by the white horse.

The horses represented two modes – the Dreaming and Stalking, guess which was the white one?

The stalking horse

The stalking horse

It does not end here, another 3 years went by and we found ourselves gathering a new group.

Whilst in Italy, again in trucks, we found this amazing valley, it too had a  herd of wild horses which was led by a white stallion. We thought that our dreams had come true, then one morning I was speaking to one of the girls and the white stallion came and stood on the ledge right above us looking into the truck, I felt like the story has come for me, this must be our place (we were looking).

A few days later, we found an old mill we thought we should buy, to turn into a centre for group work.

Next night another one of the girls had a dream, where she met the heart of the world and lost it. In the dream she was literally overlooking the Mill (remember the Mill that grinds the ages?) and speaking to a being who was the Heart of the World (but looked like a door) but then it left her going east towards some mountains.

The next morning she was telling me that dream, we were standing outside, at the exact same spot where the dream took place – overlooking the Mill. Just then, out of nowhere a 4×4 truck comes up towing the lead stallion on a rope, the very same free stallion that had been roaming that valley for some 7 years. It was an omen, the leader has been caught, the group lost its freedom. Funny thing was that it appeared just as she told me the bit about losing the Heart of the World.

Then as it passed us the truck stopped, the stallion was rolling on the road kicking, the rope was strangling it, then as if in a dream, a car stopped and an Italian guy (it is Italy after all) jumps out, wearing a Horse medallion on his neck, and takes the rope off the horse’s neck and ties it as a bridle, the truck drives east down the road (same direction as the heart of the world went).

The white horse caught

The white horse caught

This was how the white horse was caught, we felt like our story itself was caught.

The story does not end here, but as this post has become epic, so it will have to be followed by another.